Lasers are dangerous

If you don’t like swearing or lady parts – exit now. I’m not censoring this post.

Shaving constantly is not fun. So not fun that I often let my hair grow on the legs and just leave it. It gets to the point where it catches fiber and is necessary to be removed to not walk around like a rainbow Sasquatch. I started to look into alternatives that might be more permanent. Laser treatments is what I came up with and asked my darling husband, Jay, to help keep an eye out for Salons that have Groupons that could cut the costs of treatments. Treatments are pricey but come on, no more razors? Smooth legs? No more pits or bikini zone shaving bumpies? I’m willing to give up other things in the budget to make this happen.

Yesterday Jay said I had a Valentines surprise. Yes, he knows what month it is, that’s part of the surprise. This thing is what showed up:
tria
Cute right? Unassuming and sweet. It is a home laser hair removal kit from Tria He found some kind of coupon deal that made this little machine a smarter bet than going to a salon. I also don’t have to try to make appointments. I can provide my own torture in the comfort of my home.

Now. I’m normally a jump and ask questions later kind of girl but this time I read the directions. Look at me being all grown up and following instructions! There’s 5 settings. The instructions say to start at the lowest and test it out. ok. I can do this. My hand is easily available so lets do this. 1….didn’t feel a thing. skip to 3….didn’t feel a thing. Skip all the way to 5…..didn’t feel a thing. hmmmm….

Jay is watching the whole time and has suggested that maybe it’s not working. I say “Nooooo…it says it is” The little window says it’s working as it should be. But maybe not. I pull my pants down and make ready to attack the bikini line. Now this is the bane of all my shaving. I’ve worn shorts in the pool just so I didn’t have shave this line. I don’t wanna wear shorts, I wanna wear my regular bathing suit without looking like I’m smuggling a badger! This thing has to be working….keeping the setting at 5, I pop it at the edge of the bikini line.

HOLY FUCKING FUCK BURN!
GODAMMIT!
FUCK!

I jumped about about 3 feet, tossed the laser and started dancing around with my jeans around my knees.
Jay is laughing his butt off and reaching for his phone to take video. He didn’t get it in time so don’t bother asking. Then he asked if I was going to do it again so this time he could get it on video. He’s laughing too hard to actually get the phone up and steady – I wasn’t going to recreate this disaster. At least not with him watching. By this time I was laughing too because obviously, even though I read the directions, I’m still a jump first and ask questions later kind of gal. wheee!

I ended up doing another test and 3 is about right for the bikini zone. Ya know, in case you were wondering. Shave free by summer 2015 is still my goal. I can do this thing.

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5 Responses to Lasers are dangerous

  1. jessalu says:

    omg hilarious – and I’m disappointed in Jay’s response time. Thanks for blogging about your downstairs mixup ;op

  2. Beth says:

    I love you even more.

  3. Kim says:

    Hahahaha!! I have been seriously thinking about giving the no no machine a try, now I am not so sure..ha!!

  4. Manise says:

    OMG, tears-running-down-my-face kind of funny! Glad you figured out the right setting. ;-)

  5. Karen Reff says:

    LOL! I So live in that house! Reminds me of the time I tried waxing myself. Needed a break from the ouchness, so I put on my robe. Had blue robe fuzz stuck to my legs for days after!

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